


Politically (In)correct Pickup Lines

by Edgelord (lostlikeme)



Category: Johnny Bravo (Cartoon), Samurai Jack (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Bad Flirting, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-16
Updated: 2018-06-16
Packaged: 2019-05-24 00:05:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14943881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostlikeme/pseuds/Edgelord
Summary: Usually when Jack tells someone they're being racist, it doesn't go like this.





	Politically (In)correct Pickup Lines

They had been roommates for less than two days when Johnny emerged from the bathroom with a white towel around his waist and another around his head. A gust of steam filtered out behind him, slicking bits of blond hair to his face. He stopped Jack in the hallway on his way to trade places, dressed in a white robe, hair tied off at the top. On any other day, the moment might have passed, but it didn’t. Johnny spoke, catapulting them in an awkward explosion. 

“Chinese, Japanese, dirty knees,” Johnny started in a singsong voice, punctuating each word by flexing a shiny, wet bicep. He raised an eyebrow when he caught Jack staring. “Look at these.”

For a long time, no one spoke. Jack did not avert his gaze, even when the towel fell to the floor and Johnny bent to pick it up, muscles rippling across his back. He inhaled deeply to center himself but caught a whiff of axe body spray instead.

“Actually...that was kind of racist.”

“Kind of as in, like…” Johnny held his thumb and forefinger close together. “Zero percent?”

“As in really racist, actually.”

Johnny’s sun glasses were angled above his forehead, but when he bent to pout they slid down the bridge of his nose and fell into place. He wiped away the water dripping down his temple and stuck on his bottom lip.

“Nobody makes Johnny PC.”

“Okay,” said Jack, nonplussed. “Just letting you know.”

Jack took a step forward, but a hand on his shoulder halted him from moving. Jack could feel Johnny’s gaze burning through the dark lens of his shades.

“What about that was racist?” 

Johnny sounded mortally offended. 

“Do you really want to know?”

And that’s how they ended up on the couch at three in the morning, half-dressed and shivering while central air blasted into the tiny two bedroom apartment. Jack kept his eyes trained on the painting behind Johnny’s head while he rambled on at full speed.

“What about the song _I Think I’m Turning Japanese_? Now you’re gonna tell me that’s racist too.”

“Yes.”

Johnny released a frustrated whine. 

“How can a song be racist?”

“Content is _created_.”

“Okay, okay so what about when, like..” Johnny gestured his hands wildly in the air. “What about when dudes list no asians and blacks on their tinder?”

“Racist.”

“Okay now that one - even I kinda had a feeling.”

“You’re catching on.”

Johnny was unabashedly eager glowing from the attention and praise. Jack was uncomfortable but he couldn’t bring himself to end the interaction. 

“What if I said - ew that’s gay.”

“That’s homophobic.”

“Oh really?” Johnny raised an eyebrow. “Even if _I’m_ gay?” 

“Well,” Jack thought for a moment. “Are you?”

“No,” Johnny admitted. He pulled out his phone. “But as of four minutes ago I might be bi. That’s what I just put on my tinder profile, anyway.”

“You didn’t know you were bi, but you already had a Tinder?”

“I filled it out when you were explaining why reverse racism isn’t real.” Johnny smirked. “Are you sure you don’t want to go out later? With a little one-on-one tutoring I might understand that last part.”


End file.
